Run

well isn't this just peachy. It'd be great if he was talking to me so much because he actually enjoyed talking to me and wanted to be friends. But now I'm getting the feeling he's talking to me because he knows I like him. All this is doing is getting my hopes up. He's not the kind of guy I should like. I love talking to him. He's funny and really nice. But it seems like a few girls like him so maybe he talks to all of them as well. I don't even want a boyfriend right now. Well, that's a lie. I want one but I can't even think about that until I get my shit together. I need to go running every day like I used to. I need to buy proactive because this just isn't working anymore. I need to concentrate on improving. Because I've never felt this bad about myself before.

I'm the kind of person everyone loves but no one remembers.

Dear Kelli,

No one will ever like you, stop getting your hopes up.

Sincerely,
Everyone

every ship must sail away

My parents seem like they are in elementary school sometimes. They have been divorced for ten years and NOW they really start to hate each other. I always thought I was lucky because we could still go out as a family even though they were divorced. They were friends. They'd help each other out. And my mom always comes to holidays at my dad's parents house. My grandma and my mom are really good friends. I really thought everything was great. But this year has been really hard. I turned 18 so my mom has been struggling financially because she doesn't get child support anymore. My brother moved to my dad's house which was probably a really good for both my mom and my dad. My dad finally knows what it is like to be an actual parent and my mom and brother fought way too much. I thought I'd be getting away from it all coming to college but I still get phone calls from both of them bitching about each other. It wouldn't bother me so much if they acted like I was choosing sides. My mom had to sign some paper for my dad for his taxes so he could claim me and I could get insurance through Ford. Apparently my mom hung up on him and I get phone calls from both of them screaming. It's a great environment to live in. I kind of wished I was living with Kim this summer.

I don't see why people are with people they clearly shouldn't be with. I guess it's love? If love is staying with someone just because you want a relationship or sex or the title, that results in a bad break up or divorce, that really sucks. I don't see why people are attracted to people who aren't good for them. I really wish I didn't like the person I kind of like. hah. It's a bad idea. Not that anything is going to happen of course, but still. This is why I'm stupid. I always kind of like the guys who would like me. Someone I'd actually have a chance with. But this time, I like someone who would clearly not like me. Oh well. Summer is coming and I'll be back at home (shootmeintheface) and I can work a lot and go camping and kayaking and be outside. It'll be a great break from school and people and my stupid decisions.

writing

I never write anymore. It used to be my outlet. I was making a website and I was going to put all them on it. But. I hate typing! I have at least 200 short stories. Most of them aren't that great.

I used stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning because I wanted to write the best story ever. Now what do I do? I sit on facebook or download a billion and a half songs and read about bands and stuff. I miss writing. And actually being proud of what I did.

People always are the inspiration for me but I seem to have none of that inspiration stuff. All my creative cells seemed to have disappeared. I HATE that I spend so much time online. At least it's getting warmer out and I can play basketball again! And play catch with Becky until it's too dark to see the ball and then get hit in the shoulder! yeah! Good times.

Let's feel alive again!

Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either.

No one tells me anything anymore.
I'm not upset or anything.

Alexis is dating Ian again. Troy is apparently dating some chick named Shelby. Sweet.

It's like a cycle. People graduate and want to keep in contact with friends who are still in high school. They think they are too cool for you so they don't really make an attempt to call or hang out. So then the college people get pissed off and don't want to talk to them. Then the high school people get to college and realize they have no friends.

I would just like to point out how I hate myself right now.

I hate crying over something that happened 10 months ago.

Q. Why have I been updating recently?

A. The people that I used to talk to about anything and everything don't seem to be too interested in being friends.



For the record, I do know how it feels to be completely ignored. You're not the only one who had a friend that completely shut them out. And if you ask yourself why you have no friends? Think of how you ruined many good friendships in the past. No one did anything that terrible to you so suck it up. No one feels sorry for you.


You know in those movies where the people plan out what they'd like to say to a particular person? Yeah, story of my life.

Ladies and Gentlemen

You know what I hate?

When I ask someone a question, and they completely ignore me. Then they wonder why I don't talk much. I wonder why! Because I just get pushed to the side and no one even cares.

When I'm so bored I'm about to pull my eyeballs out. I hate not being busy.

When people from high school at like they are so much better than me because they are busy. No, I'm not going to watch one-acts tomorrow. Because 1. I'll end up busting Eric's knee caps. 2. I'm out of high school, I'm not a loser. and 3. I've been down that road. I was in one-act for four years. Going with all of you is not the same as actually being in it with the old people. I can't imagine one-act with Steph, David, or Frankie. I'm not too fond of going with a bunch of freshmen either.

When people change with the wind. If you want to make plans with me, sweet, make plans with me. But when something better comes up, I'm not going to be too fond of hanging out with you when you have nothing going on.

gah

I feel like I'm suffocating.

I used to miss allen park because I didn't have any friends here
But what happens when I don't have any friends at home or at school?
This sucks.

I don't have a job anymore.
I'm doing bad in my classes.
I don't even enjoy basketball band.
Something is wrong.

2008

new years resolutions

+ make friends at eastern
+ become a better musician
+ be nicer to family members
+ call dad more often
+ volunteer at least once a month
+ get a full time job over the summer
+ save up money for a new trumpet
+ read at least 50 books
+ get above a 3.5 G.P.A for winter and fall semester
+ clean room



I hate feeling like I have no friends here at Eastern. It's quite possibly the worst feeling ever. I really try to be someone that people would want to have as a friend but no one likes an insecure boring person.