GAH

you know, I'm really glad that no one reads this thing because I hate you all. Well..not all..but some of my friends seriously piss me off. My one friend is sooo intelligent and wants to pursue a career in music but oh no, he wants to go to HFCC. Not that there is anything wrong with with community colleges but he's in the top 10 % of his class! He's brilliant and I really think he has so much potential. He'd love EMU and the marching band. But oh no, his parent's don't want him to make a mistake like his sister did. His older sister came here and apparently hated it. It really pisses me off to no end because they are not the same person and it's not like he wouldn't have any friends here. He would more than likely be in the marching band. Another reason he wants to live at home is because his minimum wage paying job at fucking Little Caesars. He loves it there but seriously, is he going to work there forever? "Oh what did you do with your degree in english composition?" "I make pizzas." Seriously?! what the fuck. And now he got accepted to U of M Dearborn and is probably going to go there and just commute. He thinks that it is a much better school but it's not like they have a marching band. He is probably going to get a degree in english and not do what he really wants to do, which is music. gah. Stop being safe. Taking fucking risks, no matter how cliche that sounds.
Another friend of mine plays the sax. She's a junior and is stressing because her director doesnt' give her much attention so she thinks she's not that great. But she is!! She is a great jazz player and she loves to solo. You should have seen her when she was a freshman. She was so dead-set on being a music teacher. She loved the director and was loved learning anything and everything about music. She reminded me of me...Somehow, all that enthusiasm has disappeared. She has so much potential, too! But she's not taking any band next year because of other classes. She is taking AP Gov instead of Jazz band. She's not interested in government, why is she taking the goddamn class?! Jazz band would really benefit her if she is really serious about becoming a music major in college. She really loves music...why not take the classes?! I took three band classes last year and although the counselors didn't like it, it really benefited me. I learned a lot about helping the underclassmen in concert band and it helped develop some conducting skills as well. I know I didnt' take AP Chem or AP Calc, but that's not what I love. I love music so I took music. The girl's mom wants her to take as many advanced classes as she can so she gets college credit and they're "academic" blah blah blah. Fuck that.

I'm so sick of seeing my friends not do what the want, due to parents or directors or friends.

When did people stop living their life the way they want to? I know I do..it's really a shame.




Also, if you weren't so condescending, I might want to hang out with you more. But that will never change.

drownin' slowly

I think I'm naive.
Is it unrealistic to hope for a good guy who hasn't had sex? I never thought that was impossible but now I'm beginning to think otherwise. Seriously, it seems like everyone here has had sex. It's kind of disheartening. Maybe I'm just a hopeless loser. I should have lived in the 20s. I don't even want a boyfriend right now but I can't help think about these things.
Why can't every girl have an Edward Cullen?

Totally Fucked

Yeah, you’re fucked all right – and all for spite
You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye
Totally fucked – will they mess you up?
Well you know they’re gonna try




My life. In a nutshell.

so exciting

I will be in the trumpet studio for winter semester. This is the most exciting thing to happen this year.

And in foggy London town, the sun was shining everywhere

I have these dreams all the time where I find out something bad or something bad happens. And then soon after I wake up I realize that nothing really happened. I feel like I had a dream like that last night but haven't realized that nothing really happened. I can't remember what it was though. Weird.

I love the trumpet section. Some of us went to Chili's after rehearsal and it was a good time. I'm glad we hang out every so often and I hope it continues once the season is done.

I feel like I'm inside too much. I haven't gone for a walk in a few weeks but it's not fun going alone. I miss last year when we'd go for walks every few days. I also really want to do something somewhat athletic. I want to play basketball or catch. I have my basketball and baseball mitt here but no one to hang out with. Hopefully Becky and I will be able to meet up sometime to play catch. All I do is sleep and watch the television. I need to get out of this.

Tomorrow I meet with Eggers again. I hope all goes well. If he just tells me I improved slightly, I will be happy. Earlier a few people were talking about lessons and the scale tests they have to do. I need to get in; I know I could do it.

pictures of you, pictures of me

I hate the word grand. It sounds so phony.

Anyway, I'm meeting with Eggers on Thursday.
I'm getting sick.
Marching band is almost over and I'm afraid I'm not going to really see/talk to anyone until next year.
I got an 84% on my Gov test and I'm quite mad at myself.
Halloween Oreos make everything better...well not everything but almost.
I am already getting excited about Winter break which is making me lose focus in my classes.

I need to read more. And study more. But I don't know what I should be doing less. Maybe sleeping but I'm getting sick, and sleep would help. Gah.

you give love a bad name

Last night was fun.
I enjoy meeting people.
I hope they remember meeting me, hahah.
Coney Island was so much fun.


the end.

who are you?

Today was much better than I expected. In fact, this week was much better than I expected.

I really like the Who show. I don't feel 100% confident about Who Are You but I'm sure it will be fine.

sail away

I am really looking forward to this weekend.
I'm turning 18 on Friday.
I don't think it's that big of a deal because I think ages are pointless.
My grandma is 65 but she feels like she's 45. Isn't that what matters? How you feel and how you act? I hope so.
I'm not a big fan of being young compared to everyone at college although I know that everyone goes through it.
I've been listening to Ben Folds a lot recently. I am positive that this is a good choice.
We had a fire drill earlier today at Wise.
And then.
We had a fire around 10!
It was fantastic. Apparently people were cooking food and decided to catch things on fire.
Good job guys, good job to you.
My favorite ever was Kayla who was forced out of the shower. She was quite upset. "Good thing we had that drill earlier!!"
It seems like a lot of people want to transfer to a different school next year. Losers. Heh.

looking for melodies

Now that I've deleted like every entry ever in here, I feel renewed.
This week started a new phase in my life.
The SERIOUS phase.
I will practice everyday and become a better trumpet player.
I will get enough sleep and go to all of my classes.
I will not spend so much time fucking around on the internet.

Well..heh...I haven't quite lived up to these statements.
I have been practicing, it's 2:20 in the morning which means I will probably skip my english class tomorrow. I haven't started reading the book I need to finish by yesterday and well I'm just flat out screwed.
I'm not one to be so open about myself, especially to someone I just met but I did and I'm regretting it.

I hate blogs for the simple fact that I hate saying "I" so much.
It makes me feel conceited and self-centered. I do not think I am though.

Today, Emily and I went to see Across The Universe. I'm still not quite sure of how I feel about it.

Life would be better if everyone just listened to Janis Joplin a little more.
Her music makes me happy and I'm pretty sure it makes other people happy, too.